is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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