there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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