i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
