about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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