a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Shitshow foam night was such a success
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
