i just wanna soil my oats bro
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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