O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
