I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
