sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
