Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
