Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
