funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
