I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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