Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
