apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
