I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
