I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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