And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
