oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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