I will die if light touches me.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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