i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
