Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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