Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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