True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
