When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
COCAINE IS GR8
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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