Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
