he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
