whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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