Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
