If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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