Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
