I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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