That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
