I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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