It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
