explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
