Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
