Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I didn't notice because vodka
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
