I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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