oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
