it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
