I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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