I think I am morally bankrupt
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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