A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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