Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
