Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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