ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
