i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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