Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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