Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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