a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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