Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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