I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
